Sometimes I wish I was different. Sometimes I look at other people and think: I want to be like that person. And its not "looking up to people", its deeper. Sometimes I know I should be like somebody but I can't. Life would be better if I could. But I can't. Sometimes I get stuck in this circle. In a circle of fears and insecurities. And to break that circle, its almost impossible. Sometimes is now. Today was hard, yesterday was too. And four weeks ago it was too. And to be honest, it gest harder everyday. I keep on thinking its a phase. And maybe it will pass. But it hurts so fucking much. And everytime I think about it, it hurts more and more.
Lately, I've been thinking/realising that maybe I should stop pretending to become someone I want to be. Because ultimately, people will notice and they've noticed before. But what can you do when you're stuck with the idea that you want to be someone but can't? Give up or fight? I fought a lot. I'm thinking its time to give up. But in my case, giving up hurts. Because the truth hurts.
♥
Emily
ps: Why in hell isn't anything happening in Britney land? I'm so bored.
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